Captain's Log

After an exhausting chase through the northern seas, and a battle with the nefarious tentacled hellbeast itself….Victory and bounty are ours at last! Salutations to the courageous tenacity and testicular heft of a scury crew, notably the rascals Chuckee and Jedighost with an underhanded and perilous, yet successful explosive excursion within the enemy ranks.

The days were indeed arduous, and the nights long…but the haul of a bountiful booty amidst a colorful crew relieved the angst and plight.

Another rain filled catastrophic run at Shark Fin Camp proved to be unfruitful. The cursed Louis Vuitton and his scurvy crew provided for an unsavory ambush after a short-lived victory celebration of another successful underwater explosive excursion.

Having dealt the villainous crew of the Black flagged Sloop crippling blows of gunpowder  might, our fortitude was crushed when the SS LouisVuitton appeared beside our vessel cannons blazing. Having only 2 crew remaining proved useless effort to the cause as we were forced to scuttle.

Not a total loss having plundered a bountiful shipwreck and cashing in several gold bouillons during the cruise however. So spirits remain hopeful.

Another promise of bountiful booty goes awry this eve with the compulsive arrogance of one of the cantankerous crew.

During heated negotiations for parlay with the crew of the infamous Black Sails, the Jolly and Jubilant JediGhost saw fit to cast fire upon the unsuspecting vagrants with a hail of cannons. Needless to mention, negotiations stalled immediately as we were met with return fire and a valient “F You!” from said crew.

The battle ended well with the swift destruction of the Black, but our hasty retreat from the Skull forced us to settle for mere trinkets of gold and merchant pence.

Aye, This day of sailing can be described as no less than mystical and fertile. The sea goddess Cymopoleia has ripped askew her corset and revealed a bountiful bosom indeed! She has lifted high her drapery and allowed access to her carnal treasure!

Having scavenged numerous lucrative shipwrecks and plundered multiple random islands with ample payout, we dared venture to the foreboding cloud of  skulduggery with a spirit renewed and an abundance of testicular fortitude.

Unimpeded by rapscallions or hooligans,  our courageous crew implemented the indefensible  hot keys attack from lore, finishing the horde of scum and villanry in record time, and making off with a fruitful shipload of loot worth nearly 20 pence.

Grogs and pints abound!

Another day and night on which fortune smiled upon the crew and said “Aye me laddies, get dat booty, yar!” The excursion to the new Skull fortress proved most beneficial in the end.

Warmongering through the skeletal hordes unimpeded for multiple waves, brilliance turned to dismay upon the arrival of the Black Flag Galilean and twin Sloop nuances, but after quick fall of one sloop, the other retreated hastily. Hours of dodge and parry with the Black Flag ensued with the crew on the side of eventual victory. Again unimpeded, we finished the remnants of the bothersome bones and began to collect our wealth.

Nearly loaded, with only trinkets on the beach, the second sloop again dared a brazen approach. Abandoning the beach the Cat set forth for Ancient Spire in haste. Utilizing merman method six, the crew began to cash in whilst circumlocuting the pursuing sloop.

Having enough of the troublesome sloops shenanigans, we battled, the crew again coming out with victorious destruction of the sloop and crew. Alas, the Cat succumbed to the many wounds she received and slowly went down as the courageous crew  swam in the remains of the floating treasure.

Another huge triumph in the annals of Seacat lore!

Where a fortuitous night of pure, belligerent pillage and plunder with the jubilant JediGhost in a small crew saw we rake and ransack a helpless Sloop and her diving mates, and make off with their treasure…quickly turned to bewilderment upon a renewed attack on on Crows Nest.

With the Cretan Chuckee anew from his voyages to the Southern seas, The dread information minister Trigger and myself overran the Crows legion horde with ease, only to be stymied by the captain herself, who in one foul swoop dispatched us three, and vanished into the sea.

The wispy skull overhead shown true, but alas, the captain and her hordes had faded into the air like blowing sand…leaving us without key to the bountiful trove we so richly deserved. Cheated and forlorn, we withdrew to fight another day.

Today’s log finds a weary and disheveled crew. After a long night of ferocious battle and adventure that saw the mighty SeaCat…”Out-catted” by a scurvy group of wretched thieves sporting a green hull.

We were out-patienced, out-maneuvered, and out-skilled as the infamous Chuck-ghost technique was employed against us in a cruel irony upon successful demolition of the fort on Shark Fin. After masterfully sinking 2 competing vessels, and key in hand we joyously set sail to wait for a time to load our loot and celebrated like fools.

Upon said return to the fort, we found the Vicious Green-Hulled bastards remained! A quick load of key items and retreat to nearest Outpost found us overtaken, and slaughtered, only to watch with dying breath as the Green-Hulls cashed in our bounty.

Could this be the end of the Mighty SeaCat lore?

Aye, the Mighty SeaCat roars anew with a tale of bountiful booty indeed!

With one of the crew a swoon by the siren’s song (the Squirrel named Pepper abandoning his mates for a different “bountiful bosom”),  a scarce battalion of 3 of her bravest souls set sail on the Cat in a voyage of redemption. After suffering plight and sunken vessel upon our initial quest to conquer the skull fortress…the 3 cockswains launched anew from a southern port, with the Mystical Green Grog Hull of destiny.

Unimpeded and determined, through rain withered weather we struck riches on both Gold quests and Skull hunts, as well as multiple shipwrecks, before descending once again on Keel Haul for one more glorious run.

The skirmish was quick and banana-laden, but in the night’s end we took upon ourselves a cache of enormous proportion, gathering in a total of 20 grand large! Our missing shipmates, the Cretin, The Brass bell, and the Pepper of Squirrel shall write songs and tell lore of this night for ages to come, as the “night the booty was missed”. 

New allies, new threats from the deep, and a whole new adventure found the Cat tonight in the murky mayhem of what is called The Hungering Deep. Never has the Cat given so much, for so little.

Sailing with a small crew of three, which saw the return of the Cretin Chuckee to the horde, We absconded through the various feats recorded in the lore of the Merry Merrick. Along the way gaining the assistance of two rambunctious rascals known as “the Nine” and “Fishtail”. Together we gained the tools necessary to summon the foul beast of the deep. Nary the will to carry a proper rhythm , we found our journey taking us back to Merrick several times to obtain the beat once more.

Our second voyage back to Shark Cove paired us with a like minded crew of Scamps who joined us in the adventure. With the 2 vessels, and a plethora of Merricks obnoxious tune, the beast arrived! All 10 members gathered on the SeaCat and began the long, arduous battle. 

During the scuffle, our new found friend “The Nine” took advantage of the ensuing chaos to slink over to the second galleon with gunpowder in hand, and hastily send it to Davey Jones. Aye, what a fiendish devil indeed! So as her crew were picked off by the behemoth, they were unable to resurrect within the battle.  

Battle weary and despondent,  The Cat’s crew watched our supplies dwindle and empty. Down to our final stick and no banana sustenance to be had, the fearsome Megladon FINALLY yielded its life. The remaining crew set sail on a bed of twigs and termites back to collect Merrick’s treasure and reward. Never has the Cat taken such a beating and survived.

So much for so little is the only way to describe the night, but the deed is done, the beast is slain. I look forward to viewing a page from the journal of our sister ship, the Nine Lives, and her own account of the adventure they endured.

Aye, this world is certainly stock full of it’s fair share of cutthroat killers and magnificent marauders. But this night, Humperdoo, the mighty god of morons, saw fit to bless us a sail upon a sea of unobservant imbeciles.

Having a scarce crew of 2, the information minister, Trigger and I set out toward Keel haul on the smaller sloop known as the Sea Kitten. Unimpeded, we downed the skeletal horde and her captain with but a few causalities. But the opening of the vault saw immediate reaction with a pair of hostile Galleons rapidly descending upon us. With nar but the Stronghold dual and a Spice box aboard, we made haste to the nearest outpost…Shark Sailed Galleon in pursuit, with White Sailed ship in dock at the fort behind us.

We crash-docked at Sanctuary, and made a rapid sale of the Stronghold goods, but were met on the beach by the Shark Sailed Crew, who ruthlessly dispatched us, but departed with but ONE cannon shot to our vessel’s bow…allowing us to not only fully recover upon resurrection, but also to cash in the Spice Box they failed to observe onboard. Blessed be the Magnanimous Humperdoo!

Assuming the White Sailed Galleon had loaded up the remaining vault, but holding out hope some was left, we set sail back to the Fort. The White sail was in the near vicinity, but sending Trigger to observe the vault showed they had loaded nothing! They quickly turned sail and chased us away, eventually overtaking and destroying our vessel, but gaining nothing but our stored goods.

Upon procurement of a new vessel in the Eastern seas, we determined one last verification of the Fort was necessary. Upon arrival at Keel haul, with nar a vessel in sight, imagine our awe as we found the vault still open and stock full of loot! Humperdoo be praised once more!

It was a long and weary night on the Kitten, but amidst a sea of degenerates and idocricy, well worth the sacrifice with a complete vault haul of nearly $13 grand.

Crew Records

The scurvy crew of the Nine Lives sailed jovial and triumphant. After securing the skull fort and its riches, we rapscallions moved through the quest for the new beast. Finding dual galleons with ample crews and an additional legendary solo galleon the 4 ship fleet completed Merrick’s tasks with haste. With the firey Forsaken keeping a steady beat on the skins, all crews united in a swabbie’s dozen and felled the beast in earnest.

In this sea of comrades and mates, celebration with Merrick ensued….until the adventure was completed, wherin some scalawag wrought with gunpowder and testicular heft, took it upon themselves to sink the remaining vessels…Back to sea of Pricks, ye maties.

The Crew

JediGhost

Pickle merchant extraordinaire and Melort enthusiast, this large and lovable comic relief of the crew, often called “leatherdaddy” is known for his inadvertent catch-phrases and propensity for adventure.

Strengths: Finding baffling treasure, Loading cannons, and close-nit parking
Weaknesses: Gunpowder, general directions, and curvy barmaidens
Turn on’s:
Attractive sails, shiny skulls, and a clean hook
Turn off’s: Unloaded cannons and sinking
Best Line: “No, no, I meant southWEST.  My bad.”
Favorite job: Lookout  and ship drunk

INVENTORY:

 

Chuckee

A gun-ho rapscallion from parts unknown, this often over-eager, yet lazy sailor continually finds himself alone in the brig, the short end of Operation Coconut.

Strengths: Taking down towers and Scavaging islands
Weaknesses: Anchor drops, Cannon misfires, and late night sailing
Turn on’s:
Cannons, Cannonballs, Cannon fuses, and firing cannons
Turn off’s: Snakes and any hour past 8:30pm
Best Line: Anything laced in gayness
Favorite job: Tower takedown

INVENTORY:

 

PepperSquirrel

Known most for his colorful language, rage-play, and abrupt internet exits from the vessel, this former merchant marine can be found on the high seas most afternoons sailing alone.

Strengths: Riddle deciphering and Directions
Weaknesses: Sandbars, tree roots, and poor internet connections
Turn on’s:
A good looking hull and pretty jackets
Turn off’s: Clean shaven men, and Skele-plants
Best Line: “what the $#?!@! you #!!&%$# mother !*%$#@!!”
Favorite job: Wheelman and treasure hunter

INVENTORY:

 

BaselSquirrel

With a nose for shipwrecks and island gold, and a self-affirmed can-do attitude for all things gamey, this shady sailor is often plagued by an unconscious paranoia that everyone is after him.

Strengths: Riddle solving, skull soccer, and diving
Weaknesses: Occasional overconfidence
Turn on’s:
Shipwrecks and floating barrels
Turn off’s: Bailing water and repairing holes
Best Line: “Uuuugin’ Get some, cockface!”
Favorite job: Captain

INVENTORY:

Forsaken

Angry, gun-toting, meat-eating beast of pure rampage and vengeance, this ruthless rascal of the plains enjoys nothing beyond pure chaos and mayhem….and an occasional golf scramble.

Strengths: Killing, maiming, and weaponry
Weaknesses: Vegetables, water, and peace hippies
Turn on’s:
Truck-size PC cases and grog puke
Turn off’s: Console controllers
Best Line: “Kill, kill, kill…maim maim, maim”
Favorite job: Soul collector

INVENTORY:

Trigger

Overtly friendly, enthusiastic, yet often crafty and devious, this obsessive compulsive scalawag leads the team in useless information, ship release dates and unimpressive map facts.

Strengths: Technical game patch knowledge, scheduling, and nomenclature
Weaknesses: Misinformation, and unapologetic loyalty to Microsoft
Turn on’s:
Figure heads, Skull forts, and Special controllersTurn off’s: Any technology older than 6 months
Best Line: “You can never have enough gunpowder”
Favorite job: Long distance swimmer

INVENTORY:

The Padre

Little is known about the precarious Padre, other than his given name of Chris Weber,  holy nature in the Catholic priesthood, incredible luck and intuitive knowledge of the film Red October.

Strengths: The power of prayer
Weaknesses: Satanism, the cursed, and hellfire
Turn on’s:
Unknown
Turn off’s: Unknown
Best Line: “We’re on a mission from God”
Favorite job: Crew Missionary

Dezigner

Delicate wallflower and accomplished musician, this even-keel seadog has a propensity to never be heard. Often giving vital, life-saving information over a muted microphone, followed by incessant whining about nobody listening to him.

Strengths: Sarcasm and movie quotes
Weaknesses: Fog and rain, Corgie barks and spouse commentary
Turn on’s:
Outpost bar hopping, cash-money, and sleeping in the captain’s quarters
Turn off’s: Other Galileans and fonts smaller than 12 point
Best Line: “Some schniper’s gonna get his arss”
Favorite job: Cashing in

INVENTORY

 

Outposts

Islands